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They call them ‘terrible two’s’. It’s a time when little ones are starting to establish their independence and autonomy. Little ones are walking on their own, eating on their own, and communicating to a certain degree. But their walking, eating and communication skills are limited. This limitation can be quite frustrating. Think about it. Imagine you could not say any word that contained the letter e. The way you communicate with people would change drastically. “Please pass the pepper.” Would turn into simply, “Pass.” Others would not understand you. Your attempts at explanations would become more frustrating for both you and your listener. Being a toddler is something like having this bizarre type of speech impediment. You know you want the markers. You know how they work. You don’t understand why you can’t write on the wall with them. Very frustrating. This is where the tantrums come in.
Causes
Temper tantrums are usually caused by frustration and boredom or by physical inconveniences such as hunger and exhaustion.
Toddlers can be frustrated by any number of small obstacles in their lives: not being able to reach the light switch or the difficulty of stacking blocks. They are bored easily as well. While an hour rushing through the grocery store leaves mom frazzled and tired, sitting in that cart for an hour can make junior churn with discontent.
Toddlers need to eat more often than adults do simply because they are smaller and have smaller stomachs. And of course most of us don’t get naps during the day and are quite used to that situation. However, if little Suzy doesn’t get her siesta at noon, she may turn into an ad for the Exorcist. These are simply the realities of toddlerhood.
Dealing With the Causes
Hunger is the easiest tantrum cause to circumvent. Keep snacks with you at all times and be aware of the last time your child has eaten. Try to predict when he or she will be hungry again. A no spill cup of watered down juice and a little Tupperware container of fish crackers or cheerios will usually do quite fine to fend off the monster that emerges from the empty stomach. Be careful to try to offer the snacks before your child starts whining. You don’t want to reinforce whining or any other negative behavior with a reward (food or otherwise). If you do miss the cues and the whining begins consider it your error and not your child’s mistake. Do not allow the whining to escalate. As gracefully as you can ask your child to nicely request a snack with ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ before you give it to them.
Sleep seems to always be a complicated issue for parents. It’s easy to say you should make sure your child is well rested before carrying out errands or having company. Sometimes it’s not so easy to actually get the child to sleep. Try to keep regular bed times and nap times. Establish a routine so that the child knows what to expect and can have some feeling of control over the process. It’s o.k. to use the car (or whatever works for your child) to facilitate nap times when you have a special event coming up that day that requires a non-sleepy child. But do try to establish a routine that does not rely on such artificial aids. If you do notice your child is sleepy and ready to implode, excuse yourself before the whining begins and go home if possible. If you cannot go home do try to deal with your grumpy child with patience. After all he or she cannot control the schedule and how exhausted he or she is.
Frustration is more difficult to circumvent in toddlers. Sometimes if you catch your child struggling with a toy or other task, you can help and remedy the situation. Other times it’s just not possible. For example, your child may see you with the scissors and want to try them out for himself. Much to his or her frustration you do not hand over the sharp object. One possible solution in such a situation would be to distract the child with something else. Distraction is often the key if you cannot give the child what he or she wants. Have a few key toys handy in your diaper bag or on the refrigerator where they are not readily available to your toddler. That way these toys are special treats and effective as distractions when needed.
To avoid boredom, keep your child’s attention while in the store. Ask him or her to help put items in the cart and keep a running dialog of what you are buying. When you are waiting at the check out play patti-cake or sing a quiet song to keep your little one interested. You may feel a little foolish at first. But that feeling of foolishness will not even compare to how you’ll feel if junior has a meltdown in the middle of the store. To avoid the phone call interruptions, make a point of spending 10 minutes or so of quality time with your child before you pick up the phone.
Tantrums are part of growing up and not always avoidable. But if you pay close attention to your child and learn to recognize the signs early on, you may steer clear of many a meltdown.
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